Great Public Transport Trends Of Our Time, Pt 94

[blufive]

Homo Obstructaris - People Who Get In The Way

This common subspecies seems dedicated to causing the maximum inconvenience to their fellow passengers. Note that this ritual is distinct from the actions of those forced to stand by a lack of accomodation on a crowded vehicle. The typical behaviour pattern is quite simple:

These travellers first make use of their extensive experience to position themselves carefully, so that they are among the first to enter the bus or tram. Once the vehicle arrives, H. Obstructaris will board immediately, without waiting for those disembarking. If the creature does wait, it will position itself as near to centre of the doorway as possible, to maximise disruption. H. Obstructaris will board at a leisurely pace, in many cases with sufficient swagger to totally occupy a doorway wide enough for two people.

Once it has actually boarded the vehicle, the creature will pause and "look for a seat," while continuing to impede the movement of others. This process is usually carried out in a nonchalant manner; younger specimens, in particular, will often adopt an exaggerated body posture in an attempt to appear "cool".

After a few seconds spent blocking the entryway in this manner, they will decide not to sit - any vacant seats nearby are ignored. The creature will then spend a few more seconds settling into a spot in the aisle. The aisle may become quite crowded - it is not unusual to see several specimens standing shoulder-to-shoulder on both sides of any entryway. Newspaper-reading is also common.

Once settled, H. Obstructaris will go to great lengths to avoid moving to allow others to board or leave the vehicle (even those with baggage or baby carriages) - preferring instead to attempt to squeeze themselves as flat as possible against the side of the aisle.

Any rational explanation for this behaviour eludes me - surely sitting would be more comfortable than being constantly jostled by those boarding and leaving the vehicle? Would it not also avoid the ill-will generated by the obstruction of others? I can only conclude that it is some form of attention-seeking ritual, related to a wish to gain social acceptance amongst a peer group of similarly anti-social individuals by appearing "cool" and self-important.

[end of rant]